If I sell the most tickets, I get to keep all the money

is an example of a mass email subject line I used

I cancelled my Apollo subscription two days before it was set to renew for $99 a month. I was using Apollo to find email addresses of large groups of people who might want to buy something from me, like a magazine article, one-man show, or Substack subscription. I was reaching out one by one, and when I got tired of that, I decided to run what’s called a “sequence.” Automated outreach. I know it works for a lot of people. But $99 a month when I decided to upgrade from the $59 a month plan that ran out of credits before the end of the month is hard to justify. I don’t want to spend that kind of money. It feels the opposite of organic and authentic, two terms I’ve tried unsuccessfully to weed out of my vocabulary for being too performative. You just can’t win when the right words happen to also be performative.

Then I thought, why not copy the body of my latest promo email into an article, and hope that you’ll forward it to your friends and colleagues? You know, someone like your southeastern magazine editor pal who’d love to publish Stuck Inside of Boise with the Jonesborough Blues Again.

Did I tell you what’s in Stuck Inside of Boise with the Jonesborough Blues Again? Chasing fireflies in a cemetery after dark in Bristol, Tennessee (or is it Virginia? Depends on what side of the street), despite the risk of a $2000 trespassing fine. Contemplating throwing muscadines into the Tallulah Gorge, where a big sign warns you not to. Wandering into random BBQ joints expecting the baby backs not to be dry. Wailing on a harmonica deep inside the bowels of the earth at Bristol Caverns. It’s a helluva story.

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Here’s the email I sent to 658 unsuspecting humans

Hey Jared (never mind who Jared is, he’s one of the recipients),

I’m Louis Barney Katz, a returning student in the Narrative Arts program at Boise State University. Finding the right classes to audit at my age has proven challenging, so I decided to start a club and a podcast, instead. When you’re a BSU student, you get to do those things for free. The club is called The Unbroadcast Podcast Storytelling Club, and the podcast is called The Unbroadcast Podcast Broadcast.

But then I thought, since I sold my IT business after 23 years to become Boise’s #2 storyteller, wedding officiant, and mobile notary, why not also become America’s #1 Unbroadcast Podcaster? Why not offer these treasures to the world at large rather than just a bunch of ingrate college students? So I created The Unbroadcast Podcast Storytelling Hour, a monthly show for people who want to hear stories and tell stories. Not only that, I share pointers on how to make everyday objects like a vegetable peeler come to life when you open your mouth.

I’m trying really hard to make it as a writer, storyteller, and performer. That’s why I’m writing to complete strangers like you. You can see my work for free over at The Unbroadcast Podcaster. You can become a paid subscriber if you like the writing and want to be one of my Merry Bandoliers.

You can also purchase tickets to The Unbroadcast Podcast Storytelling Hour by clicking HECK YEAH.

I hope to see you at the show, or on my mailing list, or as your future contributing writer and/or employee!

Live Large. Be Bold. Have Faith. Fear Nothing.

All the best,

Louis

Boise’s #2 storyteller, wedding officiant, and mobile notary

lbkatz.com

208.805.2740

PS Ever wonder what it’s like to BBQ on the Moon? Find out in my latest article in Boise Lifestyle magazine: https://citylifestyle.com/articles/bbq-on-the-moon